In Which I Reveal the True Identity of the Antichrist

Be afraid.

 Jerry Falwell recently pronounced that the Antichrist, the Beast described in Revelation, is (1) alive on Earth right the very second and (2) Jewish. Needless to say, this second one didn't sit real well with the folks from the Anti-Defamation League. So Jerry found himself apologizing, but added that he's not apologizing for BELIEVING it, just for SAYING it. Gee, thanks.

If you accept the idea of the Anti-Christ as being some sort of dark mirror of Jesus, you can see the symmetry here. Jesus was Jewish, so therefore his opposite number would have to be Jewish, too. Falwell also cites some passages from the Book of Daniel as support, none of which mention the Antichrist specifically. But the real action, Antichrist-wise, is in Revelation, which is is pretty murky about details such as his religion. It does mention some details, such as the Beast being "like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion." (I'm assuming this is speaking symbolically, because if this is literally true, he would be one seriously weird-looking dude. We'd be able to see him coming a LOOONG way off.) Doesn't say a whole lot about Jewish.

 So, leaving aside the Jewish theory, and assuming that the Antichrist is alive on Earth today, let's look at some candidates:

Bill Clinton: a popular choice among some callers on talk-radio. He's certainly bounced back from the brink of disaster enough times that it's not hard to believe that he has the Devil's luck. But Revelations says that the people "worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? Who is able to make war with him?" Every time Clinton drops a bomb on somebody, we have to listen to a lot of yammering that he's just trying to distract attention from his sex life. So let's move on.

Bill Gates: Now, Revelation does mention that the Antichrist makes everybody receive a mark without which "no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name." Hmmm. Sounds like an operating-system monopoly to me. The Book goes on to note that the number of the Beast is is "six thousand threescore and six." Let's keep an eye on Gates, and if he ever releases a "Windows 666," we've got him.

Duke Basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski: Okay, there's no evidence, but I'm a Carolina fan, so he's on the list.

John F. Kennedy: A popular choice in his day among some people who were paranoid about a Catholic president. It got worse after he got 666 nominating votes at the 1956 Democratic Convention. But the Bible also speaks of the Antichrist miraculously recovering from a supposedly fatal head wound. I'm not saying it couldn't happen at this late date, but it's pretty long odds.

There is one site on the Internet that suggests that the movie "Star Wars" is a tool of Satan and that the character of Yoda is the Antichrist. Now, I'm pretty sure this was a joke, but let's look at it. Does miracles? Check. Pretty much invincible? Yep. Only problem is, Yoda died of old age in the "Star Wars" movie. But let's look behind the mask, as it were. Revelations actually speaks of two evildoers, one coming after the other. Yoda's voice and movements were done by Muppeteer Frank Oz. Frank also does the voice of the character Fozzie Bear. Fozzie's still around. He is, after all, a beast, and everybody loves him. So there you have it. Fozzie Bear is the Antichrist.

Okay, okay, put down the rocks and put out your torches. The point I'm making here is that trying to interpret the heavy symbolism of the Book of Revelation has driven more than one person to flights of lunacy just as absurd as the ones above. God, you may have noticed, plays His cards pretty close to the Celestial Vest. Jesus himself said "you know not the day nor the hour whence I come." The real mockery here is perpetrated by people who tell you they know what He's planning to do in the next ten years. Especially people who want your money.

 

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©1999 Jerry D. Rhoades, Jr.