ONE PRESIDENT, SLIGHTLY USED..

 Al Gore's seeking the Presidency. Hillary Clinton is seeking a Senate seat in New York (maybe). But what's going to happen to the forgotten man in the White House?

 What about Bill?

 As the election season heats up (15 months ahead of the actual election, God help us all), some folks have wondered what Bill is going to do with himself once he leaves office. At 54, he'll be the nation's youngest ex-President, with many full and exciting work years ahead of him. What will he do with those years? Jimmy Carter, after a few years of obscurity, seems to have developed a career as a free-lance professional do-gooder. Farther back, some ex-presidents actually took "real" jobs. Theodore Roosevelt worked as a contributing editor for a magazine. William Howard Taft went back to Yale Law School to teach and eventually became Chief Justice. Woodrow Wilson practiced law in New York. But what job openings are there for an ex-President with a dubious reputation? I mean, boy, how would you like to be this guy's career counselor?

 "Okay, Mr. Clinton, we have your aptitude and I.Q. tests all graded, now let's have a look at your resume. Rhodes Scholar; very impressive. Yale Law School. Good. Now, let's get to work experience. What did you do after law school?"

 "Well, I did do some teaching. Maybe I could go back to that. "

`Mr. Clinton, let's be frank. There isn't a school in the country that's going to let you get within a thousand feet of a co-ed. Let's move on. What did you do after that?"

"I worked as a staff lawyer for the House Judiciary Committee."

"I wouldn't expect to go back to that. Don't take this the wrong way, Mr. Clinton, but I really don't think the House of Representatives is going to be a fertile career field for you right now. What else have you done?"

 "Well, when I was in law school, I worked on a political campaign."

"Okay, good, may be some leads there for a job as a campaign consultant. Who'd you work for?"

"George McGovern."

"Moving right along.oh, your resume says you've done some work in real estate development. "

 "Yes, but I really didn't have anything to do with it, and I never made any money."

(Sigh). "Mr. Clinton, just what qualifications DO you have for a job in the public sector?"

"I still believe in a place called Hope."

"Great." (Flipping through Rolodex) "Hey! Here's a wedding band that needs a saxophone player. You own a tux?"

 Of course, nothing like this is likely to happen. He'll most likely follow in the footsteps of other Presidents like Ronald Reagan and hit the lecture circuit. And if he insists on being paid by the word, he may have those pesky legal fees paid off in no time. I mean, the man do tend to run on a bit.

 One of the more bizarre suggestions is that Clinton may capitalize on his Hollywood connections and go into show business. There's been talk that he might have a job waiting with a company like DreamWorks studio, which is run by some of Tinseltown's more prominent Friends-of-Bill. You've got to wonder what kind of movies and TV programming ol' Bill would come up with: "Coming this fall on NBC: `Here's Bubba!' The wacky misadventures of an Arkansas governor in the big city of Washington. Starring Tom Arnold as Bubba and Kate Winslet as Monica, the amorous intern. Special appearances by John Goodman as Janet and Keanu Reeves as Bubba's stoner brother Roger." Or how about a talk show? "Today on `Willie!' we take a look at dysfunctional presidents and the voters who love them."

 Inevitably, Clinton will write a book. It seems to be practically a law that ex-presidents have to pen some weighty tome, pontificating about history and their place in it. Despite the fact that several such books have bombed, most of these screeds by ex-bigwigs fetch advances in the million-dollar range. Of course, in Clinton's case, the hard question will be which section to put the book in: fiction or non-fiction. You make the call.