Bowing to pressure from Democratic leaders, California Democratic Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez agreed to move a Convention-week fund-raiser from the Playboy Mansion to a "less controversial" location. Democratic National Committee chairman Joe Andrew had withdrawn Sanchez’ at the Convention speaking assignment and threatened to remove her from her position as a DNC co-chair as a result of the Playboy Mansion venue. "We think an event at the Playboy Mansion is not the right image and does not represent the values of our party, it doesn’t represent the values of working Americans that Al Gore and Joe Lieberman are fighting for," Andrew sniffed.

So Sanchez caved. She decided to hold the party at Universal Studios. While the party patted her on the head and restored her speaking slot, the Universal Studios location may not have been entirely pleasing to V.P. Candidate Joe Lieberman. Lieberman, upon his arrival in LA, immediately set out to endear himself to Democratic supporters in Hollywood by slamming the entertainment industry for "so much violence, so much sex, so much incivility." (And that’s just Jennifer Lopez’ love life.)

At least he’s consistent on this point. Lieberman and Republican virtue guru William Bennett have been teaming up for years to award the so-called "Silver Sewer" awards to creators of entertainment they find offensive. One of the first Silver Sewer awards went to Seagram’s, whose subsidiaries include the records company that releases shock rocker Marilyn Manson, the company that produces "Jerry Springer Show" and …Universal Studios. Some days, you just can’t avoid stepping in it.

It’s always entertaining watching the Dems tie themselves in knots trying to please the multitude of constituencies that cluster under the Democratic tent. Gore and Lieberman are trying to position themselves as Godlier-than-thou this year, to try to get out from under the priapic shadow of Bill Clinton. But Sanchez is Hispanic, so they’re fretting that slamming her might upset Latino voters in California. On the other hand, feminists (another Democratic bastion) are not what you’d call fans of the "Playboy Philosophy." Then of course, there were the male campaign staffers, who were probably salivating over the chance to have their wine spritzers served to them by scantily clad bunnies.

It’s also a little hypocritical at this point for the Dems to start dissing Playboy. The Playboy Mansion hosts six to 10 fund-raisers and charity events each year for the Democrats, probably on the theory that the Dems are likely to be more bimbo-friendly, at least in public. Past events have included fund-raisers for then-Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley and then-Chicago Mayor Harold Washington. The Federal Election Commission reports that Gore’s campaign received $1,000 from Playboy founder Hugh Hefner on March 17, 1999, and $500 from Hefner’s daughter, Christie, in April of this year. One can almost see Gore acting like that French cop in the movie Casablanca:

"I'm shocked, shocked to find that nekkid women are allowed here!"

"Your campaign contributions, Mr. Gore."

"Thank you very much. Everybody OUT!"

This may be the saddest legacy of Bill Clinton’s Presidency: not that America has lost its "moral compass" but that the Democratic party feels it has to turn itself into Moral Majority Lite to win this election. Somebody needs to tell them, it’s not going to work. Hypocrisy is not pretty, whoever’s doing it. The Republicans are not without their own mile-wide streak of hypocrisy, of course. It was rather nauseating to watch GOP Dick Cheney grinning and endorsing a Republican Platform that would deny some basic civil rights to his own daughter. But if both parties come off as a bunch of pompous hypocrites, what’s going to happen is that people are just going to stay away from the polls.

Somebody, my fellow Americans, needs to step up to the plate. There needs to be at least one candidate who’ll reach out to all those forgotten 74-year old millionaire publishers who run a sprawling business empire in their pajamas and date 19-year old identical twins. Ladies and gentlemen, I am that candidate. This is my message to Hugh Hefner: Hugh, old son, if you want to host a fundraiser for me at the Playboy Mansion, I’m there. I’ll even bring the chips and dip.

COPYRIGHT 2000 BY JERRY D. RHOADES