ME vs. THE NEW YORK TIMES

This past Labor Day, George Dubbya Bush forgot one of the cardinal rules of politicking: always assume that every microphone is open. Bush, who was reportedly unhappy with some articles written by New York Times reporter Adam Clymer, leaned over to his running mate, Dick Cheney, at a Labor Day rally and said, ``There's Adam Clymer, major-league <expletive deleted> from the New York Times.'' Cheney replied, ``Oh yeah, he is, big-time, " utilizing the reflexive Ed McMahonesque yowsa-bossing that is the hallmark of the good sidekick.

Unfortunately, the mike was live and George Dubbya’s opinion of Clymer was broadcast far and wide. I guess they never learned the object lesson taught by Ronald Reagan when he made that "we start bombing Russia in five minutes" crack over an open mike.

When asked about the comment, Bush’ defense was a classic: "I regret that everybody heard what I said." In other words, "I’m sorry I got caught." C’mon, George. My eight-year old can do better than that.

Dubbya's just mad because Clymer pointed out a few facts about health care in Bush's Texas that the Bush-Cheney campaign would rather not dwell on right now, namely the fact that there just ain't much health care in Texas, at least not for the poor. Clymer’s review of Bush's health care record in Texas reveals that more than a quarter of all Texas residents have no health insurance. In 1998, 27.5% of Texan adults age 19 to 65 lacked health insurance, compared with 19.5% of all adults in the US. The state ranks near the top in the nation in rates of AIDS, diabetes, tuberculosis and teenage pregnancy. As of 1998, 39% of low-income children in Texas lacked health insurance, compared with 26% of low-income children nationwide. After that story, it’s no wonder Bush treats Clymer like the guy who left the <expletive deleted> in the punchbowl.

After, Dubbya’s gaffe, the Gore camp was quick to respond with predictable high-minded insincerity once they got done dancing with glee in the hallway of campaign headquarters. ``We hold virtually all members of the fourth estate in the highest regard, and we believe they should be part of the democratic process day in and day out,'' spokesman Chris Lehane droned. Yeah, right. Maybe Gore, Boy Scout that he is, has never referred to a reporter by a nasty name, but five bucks says Tipper has. Lieberman probably has too, but his were probably in Yiddish, one of the most elegant languages on Earth for insulting people.

But perhaps more disturbing than the comment, Dubbya’s "defense", or Gore’s lame attempts to jump on the error is the evidence of the rift in the Bush campaign between Bush and Cheney. I mean, which is it, gentlemen? Is Adam Clymer a "major-league <expletive deleted>" or merely a "big-time <expletive deleted>"? I think the American public has a right to know. So, dogged journalist that I am, I began an investigative report of my own: I got the open e-mail list from the New York Times and e-mailed a random selection of Clymer’s colleagues. I figure, who better to know what the guy’s really like than the people in his office? (Other than his wife, of course, and I couldn’t find her e-mail address. Probably just as well. I have enough restraining orders on me already.)

Responses came back immediately. They ranged from "You've got to be kidding...?!" to…well, that was pretty much the gist of what I got. I thought at least the wine editor would have given me some good stuff. Maybe I should have caught him later in the day, after he’d had a few.

I appeared to be at a dead end. But where the Lid of Secrecy is stuck on the Mason Jar of Truth, you can count on your Humble Columnist to be there holding the lid under the Hot Water of Perseverance and banging on it with the Butter Knife of Journalistic Integrity. I decided to take the direct approach. I picked up a copy of the New York Times and found the phone number on the paper's masthead.

"Is reporter Adam Clymer an <expletive deleted> ?" I demanded of the person who picked up the phone.

"Ummm…this is the subscription department," the lady on the other end replied. "Do you want to sign up for home delivery?" I started explaining about the Mason Jar of Truth and she hung up on me. Somebody had obviously gotten to her.

So there you have it, friends, or more accurately, there you don’t have it. The New York Times, that supposed bastion of informational freedom, is stonewalling the American people on the issue. We have a right to know if one of the country's most prominent political reporters is truly an <expletive deleted>, and if so, what kind?

Congressional hearings, anyone?

COPYRIGHT 2000 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.