JUST
WHEN YOU THOUGHT OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE WAS OVER….
Both the House and the Senate are holding hearings and calling for a criminal investigation
of Bill Clinton’s last minute pardon of billionaire Marc Rich. The aptly named Rich was
indicted on 51 counts of tax evasion, selling oil to Iran, and “racketeering” (a sort of
catch-all charge where the prosecutors basically say “all the other stuff we’ve charged you with
makes you a member of a criminal organization, so we
can charge you with everything again and call it racketeering, which sounds more impressive
than chasing tax cheats.”)
After the pardon of Rich came to light, Congress immediately went baying off like a pack of
hounds after Clinton, followed closely by the press,
who inevitably dubbed the whole mess “Pardongate.” Clinton’s
old nemesis, Representative Dan Burton, huffing that Rich was “one of the most wanted fugitives in
the world.” (I’ll bet Osama bin Laden was just
crushed by that news.) Poor George Dubbya found himself so upstaged by the whole thing, he had to
drop bombs on Iraq to get back on the front pages.
The only problem with all this investigation and breast-beating is that, by law, Presidential
pardon power is unlimited. Totally above review. Always
has been and unless the Constitution gets amended, always will be. The pardon power, according to
the Supreme Court, “is not subject to any legislative
control. Congress can neither limit the effect of his pardon, nor exclude from its exercise any
class of offenders.” And also: “The executive can reprieve or pardon all offenses after their
commission, either before trial, during trial or after trial, by individuals, or by classes,
conditionally or absolutely, and this without modification or regulation by Congress."
Ford pardoned Nixon. Carter pardoned Vietnam draft-evaders. Bush the Elder pardoned a number
of figures in the Iran-Contra scandal in his last month in office. On all
of those occasions, Congressmen and prosecutors screamed, hollered, stamped their little feet
and held their breath till they turned blue, but the net effect was precisely zero. So, even if for
the sake of argument you grant Clinton’s pursuers every single thing they claim, what is the
point?
A
lot of the controversy over the Rich pardons centers around the fact that Rich’s ex-wife Denise
donated a lot of money to Hillary Clinton’s Senate campaign and to the Clinton Library and Cigar
Museum. This, according to investigators, constitutes bribery.
So
Congress and the Justice Department have decided that people in high government offices doing big
favors for people who have donated big money to Senate campaigns is going to fall under the category
of bribery and is subject to criminal investigation. Congress, are you REALLY sure you want to go
there?
Of course, the most frustrating thing about the Senate investigation was
that it didn’t answer the biggest question about the above-mentioned Denise, who’s repeatedly
described in press reports as a “New York socialite and songwriter.” The burning unanswered
question in my mind was: exactly what songs is she supposed to have written? I leaped into action
with my finely honed journalistic instincts and utilized my vast array of investigative tools.
Actually what I did was post a question on an Internet newsgroup. I learned
that Denise Rich is responsible for, among other
things, that wretched “Missing You Like Candy” song
from nymphet crooner Mandy Moore.
Aggh. Hanging’s too good for her. Maybe there
should be an investigation into THAT.
Seriously, though, I have to say that Denise, bless her heart, has got to be the world’s
coolest ex-wife. I mean, Marc Rich not only evaded $48 million in taxes and traded in oil with Iran,
he left Denise and ran off to Switzerland with some younger blonde to whom he is now married.
Fellows, ask yourselves: under those circumstances, would your ex be lobbying the government
to get your sorry tax-evading butt out of a jam? More likely she’d have the FBI on her speed-dial
so she could let them know every time she heard a rumor you were back in town.
New York Senator Chuck Schumer summed it up best when he said:
"The pardoning of fugitives stands our criminal justice system on its head, but there's
a whole lot of nothing we can do about it." Nothing, that is, except waste a whole lot of time
and money. But hey, it beats working. It’s always easier for them to trash Clinton yet again than
it has been to face issues like, say, Medicare reform. Trashing Clinton makes for better TV after
all, and it gives all those Clinton-haters extended job security, not to mention that warm glow of
nostalgia and indignation that makes them feel good about themselves again.
Senator Arlen Specter (R-Pluto) even asserted, presumably with a straight face, that his
legal research showed that Clinton could be impeached again. If the fact that a US Senator is
devoting the Senate’s time and the people’s money trying to research a way to impeach a former
President isn’t pathetic and sad, I don’t know what is.
Dusty Rhoades lives in Carthage, practices law
in Aberdeen, and thinks Congress needs to be sent home for a month or so to cool off, since they
obviously have so much time on their hands.
OUR
GRACIOUS HOST (BOOKS-N-BYTES)
COPYRIGHT 2001 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.