FUGGEDABOUDIT, Y'ALL
A group of Italian lawyers in Chicago has sued the producers of the TV show "The Sopranos" for what the group says is its negative portrayal of Italian-Americans. It seems there’s a little-known clause in the Illinois Constitution, called the "individual dignity clause". Said clause condemns "communications that portray criminality, depravity or lack of virtue" in a group of people by referring to their "religious, racial, ethnic, national or regional affiliation." The Plaintiffs, collectively known as the American Italian Defense Association, aren’t asking for monetary damages or asking that the show be taken off the air. They do, however, request a "declaratory judgment"—in effect, a judicial condemnation of the show, which features the trials and travails of a dysfunctional Mob boss in Northern New Jersey. "Virtually all Italian-American characters" in the show, the lawsuit alleges, "are lacking in civility, respectability or virtue whether or not [they are] members of the Mafia." Well, they are from New Jersey. (Just kidding, Really. Angry letters to this newspaper are unnecessary, but probably inevitable.)
At first I thought that this whole story had to be some sort of belated April Fools’ prank, especially since the group’s initials (AIDA) spell out the name of a famous Italian opera. (Opera. Sopranos. Get it?) But then, I got to thinking, which is usually a sign of trouble ahead. Then I had an inspiration, which is definitely a bad sign. At long last, I decided, I’ve found a way to remedy the years of discrimination in TV and films against the last group that it’s considered politically okay to stereotype and to make fun of. I’m speaking, of course, of Southerners.
From "Smokey and the Bandit" to "Dukes of Hazzard" to the recent film "O Brother, Where Art Thou?", Southerners are portrayed as buffoons at best, rednecks and racists at worst. If you see a Southerner on most TV shows, he or she will most likely be portrayed as (1) grossly overweight, (2) missing numerous crucial teeth, and/or (3) married to a near relative. In the case of the "Jerry Springer" show, of course, any guest with a pronounced Dixie accent is most likely to be all three of the above. The best we can hope for is to be portrayed like "The Waltons" or even the beloved "Andy Griffith Show": decent and good, but basically simple, uneducated bumpkins. It’s like we’re America’s own tribe of noble savages. Don’t even get me started on "Forrest Gump."
Speaking of "Forrest Gump," what is it with actors trying to do Southern accents? Talented actors and actresses who can do Shakespeare in perfectly Oxford-accented British English sound like they’re auditioning for the revival of "Ma and Pa Kettle Down on the Farm" when they try to do Southern. It’s even more egregious when Southerners themselves perpetrate the atrocity. Bad enough that Sally Field (a native of California) or Olympia Dukakis (a Yankee from, God help us, Massachusetts) murder the Southern tongue in "Steel Magnolias," but there’s no excuse for Shirley MacLaine (from Richmond, Virginia) and Julia Roberts (a Georgia girl) doing the same, as if they have to add an overdose of ham with the grits just to keep up.
By the way, you notice how Sally Field keeps popping up in these movies? "Smokey and the Bandit," "Forrest Gump," "Steel Magnolias"—I sense a pattern here. Perhaps even a powerful odor of conspiracy in the air. Ms. Field will need to be the first witness deposed, methinks.
My Southern friends, it’s time our voices were heard, accents and all. If it takes going to court to show the world that we’re not all white-robed Klansmen, skirt-chasing preachers, or corrupt sheriffs, so be it. I intend, as soon as possible, to file suit against the entire entertainment industry under the Illinois "individual dignity" clause to right the wrongs that have been perpetrated upon Dixie by a cruel and insensitive entertainment industry. Be advised: I intend to use the words "hurtful" and "violated" as often as possible in this lawsuit.
The only problem with this plan is that, since there is no such clause in our own State Constitution, I’d have to move to Chicago or someplace like that to file the thing. Love the sausage, hate the weather.
Sigh. I guess I’ll have to just grow up, realize that it’s just TV, and get over it. Hope AIDA can do the same. Now where did I put the Jeff Foxworthy CD’s?
Dusty Rhoades lives in Carthage, practices law in Aberdeen, and has seen "The Godfather", parts I and II about fifty times each.
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