And you thought Southern politics were weird...

The Republican Governor of Massachusetts, a lady by the name of Jane Swift, decided a while back that, by gum, being pregnant with twins wasn’t going to slow her down in her gubernatorial duties. She soldiered on, signing bills, holding meetings, and generally being gubernatorial (I’m sorry, I just love that word. Gubernatorial gubernatorial gubernatorial. Okay, I’ll quit now).

Things got a little more sticky, however, when Governor Swift began experiencing premature labor pains and was ordered to bed by her doctor. Bloated but unbowed, she decided to continue to conduct the business of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts from her hospital bed, both before and after the birth of the twins by planned C-section. She did not specify what will happen during the C-section itself; we can only hope.

After the Governor made the announcement that she intended to run the Commonwealth from bed, reaction from political opponents was, you should pardon the expression, swift. The eight-member Governor’s Council voted to ask the Massachusetts State Supreme Court to rule on whether the Governor could chair meetings of the Council over a speaker phone. This provoked an immediate counter-response from the Republican Party of Massachusetts, who called the move an insult to working mothers, and the National Organization for Women, who called the plan "political shenanigans" and "an embarrassment."

So we have the Democrats, those supposed champions of the rights of working families, questioning the competency of Governor Mom to do her job. We have the Republicans allied with the National Organization for Women. Boy, does politics make for some strange bedfellows these days or what?

To be fair to Governor Swift, it’s unlikely that she really planned for things to happen quite this way. She was originally elected Lieutenant Governor on the Republican ticket in 1998, sitting second chair for Paul Celluci. She had to have figured "Lieutenant Governor of Massachusetts. How hard can it be?" All was fine and dandy until George Dubbya tapped Cellucci to be Ambassador to Canada in February of 2001. Unable to resist the call of the Great White North and the prospect of all the Molson’s beer and back bacon he could scarf down, Celucci bowed out, leaving the already pregnant Swift as governor. And here’s the really wacky part: thanks to lack of foresight on somebody’s part, there is no provision under Massachusetts law to replace a Lieutenant Governor before the next election in 2002. If Swift steps down, the person who takes the job is the Secretary of State or, as they so quaintly call him, the Secretary of the Commonwealth. Guess which political party the Honorable Francis Galvin, Secretary of the Commonwealth, belongs to? Yep, he’s a Democrat. And–what a coincidence!–so are all of the other members of the Governor’s Council, one of whom has a daughter who may be running against Swift in the next election.

It’s unclear if the Gov is still planning to run the State when labor really sets in. I just hope she doesn’t have any press conferences scheduled. I myself have observed two births, and all I can say is, the miracle of life may be beautiful, but it ain’t pretty. I can just see it now:

Q: Governor, what is your position on statewide mandatory testing for school kids?

A: AAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Q: What about increasing compensation for state officials?

A: OHGOD OHGOD OHGOD GET AWAY FROM ME YOU <EXPLETIVE DELETED>!!!!!!

Q: Ummmm....thank you, Governor.

Look, I bow to no one in my respect for working mothers, and I have no problem with women in politics. I don’t want Governor Swift to have to give up her job. After all, she probably has to work to help the family make ends meet, and she might lose her health insurance if she quit. One wonders, however, how tolerant Her Excellency the Governor would be if her press secretary or her bodyguards decided to phone in the job. Probably not very, since the Governor has already gotten into hot water for using state employees as childcare for her first kid.

Unlike most Massachusetts state employees, the Governor gets something called maternity leave. It seems to me that when you’re actually in labor is a good time to take it. Unfortunately, it seems that the only thing that can outweigh the maternal instinct is the political one.

COPYRIGHT 2001 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.