He’s baaack……

Political humorists and professional Clinton-haters alike breathed a sigh of relief on July 30th as Bill Clinton came out of his self-imposed obscurity and opened his ex-presidential offices in Harlem. As you may remember, Clinton originally wanted to locate his offices in a more upscale high-rise on West 57^th Street, next to Carnegie Hall. The professional Clinton-haters, however, pointed out that the $800,000 a year that would have been spent on lease payments alone would have been the highest ever paid for office space for an ex-President, so Bubba decided to go downtown to funkier digs on 125^th street.

Frankly, I think he should have ignored the critics and located his offices wherever he wanted to. There’s a certain segment of the political spectrum that would only be satisfied if Clinton’s offices were located in a cell in San Quentin with no running water, a broken toilet, and a homicidal roommate named Snake. (I’ll pause for a moment and let you die-hards savor the image. Feel better now? Good. Glad I could help.)

At first glance, the Clinton-Harlem connection may seem a bit strange, despite Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison’s assertion that Clinton was, in reality, the "first black president." Granted, Morrison is prone to making bizarre statements, but this was beyond strange. In a widely publicized article in the New Yorker, Morrison pointed out that Clinton "displays almost every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald's-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas. And when… the president's body, his privacy, his unpoliced sexuality became the focus of the persecution, when he was metaphorically seized and body-searched, who could gainsay these black men who knew whereof they spoke?" I, for one, was in awe.

It takes a Nobel Prize laureate like Morrison, I guess, to write an article that manages to so grossly insult both the President of the United States and all of black America in the same sentence.

When you look at it another way, however, Clinton and Harlem are the perfect match. Harlem is undergoing a comeback that rivals any of Clinton’s. After spending the first half of the century as an artistic Mecca for African-American artists, authors, poets, and musicians, Harlem fell into disrepair and disrepute in the Sixties and Seventies. In the Eighties, though, Harlem began to experience a rebirth. Development and tourism (yes, tourism) contributed to the economic growth of the area until now a Harlem brownstone goes for a hefty $500-700K and Bill Clinton’s offices, while less pricey than those uptown offices on 57^th street, still fetch $350,000 a year in rent. They even have a Starbuck’s and a Disney Store. (There are some Harlem residents who don’t think this is necessarily an improvement, and who can blame them?)

Most Harlem residents, however, put worries about gentrification aside and greeted Clinton’s return like that of a long-lost friend. A cheering crowd of 2,000 turned out for a ceremony attended by New York Democratic officials, former cabinet members, and a series of musicians who even got Clinton to sing along on a rousing version of "Stand by Me".

I saw the video of Clinton trying to sing. I’d tell him not to give up the day job, but I’m not completely sure that the day job is. I mean, really. What is it exactly that an ex-president does all day that requires this much office space? I know there’s the "Presidential Library" to organize, but that’s in Arkansas. Besides, isn’t the organizing of Presidential papers mostly going to be done by professional librarians? I can’t imagine that Clinton is actually going to be on the phone from New York, saying, "no, no, put the boxes of subpoenas on the third floor, between the stack of cards I got from Monica and the Whitewater papers we found stuffed in Hilary’s makeup case."

Maybe Bill needs a place to get away to and practice the saxophone when the little woman’s in town. Or maybe he uses the office as a place to store his collection of cigars (now that he doesn’t have interns around). Perhaps the Harlem office is where Bill keeps those documents not deemed suitable for the Presidential Library, such as his leather-bound ten-year collection of "Penthouse" magazine (which, I’m told, he only reads for the articles).

All that said, however, I’m actually glad Clinton’s back. Only People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals consistently provides better topics for columns. And the economy should get a boost now that the vast right wing conspiracy is hiring again.

COPYRIGHT 2001 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.