Kazakhstan is putting Hobbits in jail.

(Why, yes, I do enjoy writing leads like that. As Calvin of "Calvin and Hobbes" once said, "I like to do everything I can to make people’s lives a little more surreal.")

Anyway, it seems that the formerly Soviet-controlled Republic of Kazakhstan is experiencing a positive mania for the work of British fantasy writer J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien’s epic fantasy "The Lord of the Rings" (soon to be a major motion picture, boy oh boy!) is peopled by good and evil Wizards, Elves, Dwarves, and, of course, Hobbits. Hobbits are described as "a little people, smaller than Dwarves" who have hairy feet and a fondness for five meals a day. My kind of folks. And, apparently, the kind of folks that people in Kazakhstan (for whom three meals a day is probably a major accomplishment after years of Soviet rule) have taken to their hearts. Some Kazakhs have become such Tolkien-philes that they have taken to actually dressing up as Hobbits and re-enacting scenes from "Lord of the Rings". One enthusiast reports that "In Yekaterinaburg (a city in the Ural mountains) they even built a fortress and staged a battle." An unusual hobby to be sure, but a harmless one.

Not to the Kazakh police, however. In Almaty, the Republic’s capital, the notoriously brutal police force has been locking up and even torturing so-called "Tolkienists" as part of a crackdown on what they call "bohemian" lifestyles. Others subject to persecution, according to the story in the British newspaper "The Independent", include "street musicians, ‘alternative artists’, gays and lesbians, anarchists, hippies, punks and members of dissident religious sects." What, no mimes?

The police crackdown goes beyond mere harassment. People report being beaten and tortured by being forced to stand in cells half-filled with ice-cold water, for no greater crime than having a lifestyle different from the average Joe Kazakh.

Could it happen here? After all, America is home to a wide variety of hobbyists whose passions may seem weird at first glance. I have friends whose idea of a good time is to spend hours constructing medieval weapons and armor, then get out on the hot sun and whack each other around before quaffing heroic quantities of home-made mead and singing songs from the 60's–the 1360's that is. Other folks I know drive hours to science fiction conventions where they dress like the Klingons from "Star Trek" and party like it’s 2499. Still others dress in scratchy wool uniforms and re-enact the battle of Gettysburg. While these may seem like odd pursuits for grownups, I invite you to consider the passion some people have for whacking a little white ball around an open field before you start chucking any stones. "Whatever floats your boat" is my motto. No one, however, is locking up Civil War re-enactors or members of the Society for Creative Anachronism. Yet. (Although, after a summer weekend in armor, I’ll bet some of them run afoul of local air-pollution ordinances.)

But let’s not get too cocky. After all, part of the Kazakh police’s so-called "justification" for the persecution of the Tolkienists is that they are accused of "being Satanists and conducting dark rituals". Is this attitude so much different from that of the people for whom Harry Potter is the advance man for the Anti-Christ?

Let’s face it, "street musicians, alternative artists, gays and lesbians, anarchists, hippies, punks and members of dissident religious sects" aren’t exactly experiencing the warm embrace of acceptance in George Bush’s America. One young person, 12 year old Tempest Smith of Detroit, was driven to suicide because of the taunting of classmates who mocked her dark clothing and interest in Wiccan religion. There’s a dark side to human nature that delights in tormenting anyone seen as "not fitting in", and its victims are too often harmless eccentrics.

Yes, folks, it could happen here. If we let it. So the next time you feel the need to sneer at someone whose lifestyle or hobbies you may consider odd, bizarre or even childish, remember the Hobbits of Kazakhstan.

Dusty Rhoades lives in Carthage, practices law in Aberdeen, and one of these days he’s going to have "Remember the Hobbits of Kazakhstan" made into a bumper sticker.

COPYRIGHT 2001 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.