"Life must go on," the refrain goes, "or the terrorists have already won." The only problem is, everyone has a different agenda, a different idea of what it means to "go on with life." An Internet search on the phrase turns up a bewildering array of scenarios in which the terrorists might have reason to be taking a victory lap. Retailers want us to go out and spend money to poke Osama and Company in the eye and show them that you can’t keep the American economy down. The airline industry is still reeling from the use of airliners as weapons, not to mention the fact that even their non-terrorist bearing planes seem to be coming apart in midair for no good reason. Still, they’re urging people to fly because, so they say, "if you’re afraid to get on an airplane and travel, then the terrorists have already won." On the other hand, civil libertarians decry the recent draconian security measures, including the use of military tribunals to try foreigners accused of terrorism and the expanded authority of the Justice Department to bug phones and read your e-mail. "If we lose our freedoms," they cry, "then the terrorists have already won!"

It seems these days that the fight against terrorism can be used to justify almost anything. Even George Dubbya has gotten into the act, pressing forward a domestic plan that includes the same old corporate tax cuts and oil drilling in Alaskan wildlife refuges that were on the pre-September 11^th agenda. This time, however, it’s all being done in the name of fighting terrorism. After all, the reasoning goes, the attacks of September 11^th were an attack on our economy. If we don’t jump-start the economy, the terrorists have already won, right?

Well, maybe. But the rhetoric sure seems to be working. So I decided to try the tactic myself. I started the other night after getting home from work. "Pookie," I said to my wife as I changed clothes, "I believe that if we don’t get a Microsoft X-Box game console for Christmas, then the terrorists have already won."

"Uh-huh," she said, picking up my pants from the floor. "Well, that’s too bad, because it’s not what I got you. And stop calling me Pookie."

Undaunted, I pressed on into the living room. "Son," I told my firstborn, "If you don’t pick up all these Legos from the living room floor and turn down the television, then the terrorists have already won."

"Huh?" he said. I thought of pressing the point, but I didn’t want to upset him. He is only ten, after all. The dog was likewise unimpressed when I informed him that if he didn’t stop begging at the table, it would be a victory for Osama bin Laden and the terrorists. He just walked over to his full food bowl and stared resentfully at its contents before shambling back over to sit with his eyes fixed mournfully on my steak and baked potato.

This wasn’t working as well as I thought it might. Still, if I didn’t persevere, I decided, the terrorists had already…well, you get the idea. So the next day at lunch I tried again. "If I have to pay an additional seventy-five cents for a dollop of sour cream on my enchilada," I said to my waitress, "the terrorists have already won. Don’t you agree?"

"Que?" she said. Obviously, I wasn’t getting through to her, either. Depressed at the lack of response, I headed back to my office. As I hung up my jacket, the phone rang. "This is Ted," a chipper voice said, "from the Encyclopedia Incontinentia. This week, we’re offering a special deal on…"

"I’m sorry," I interrupted, "I don’t need an encyclopedia."

Ted was unfazed. "Really?" he said. "Because you realize, if we allow ourselves—and our children-- to remain ignorant of all the knowledge contained in the Encyclopedia Incontinentia, then, well, the terrorists have already won."

The first volume arrives in four to six weeks.

COPYRIGHT 2001 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.