THE LIBERAL MENACE

A specter is haunting America—the specter of liberalism.

I have it on good authority, namely that of best-selling author Ann Coulter, the Republibabe whose book "Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right" is enjoying a run on the best-seller lists. If you believe Coulter and her ilk, the biggest danger to this country is not Islamic terrorists, but liberals running loose in the streets.

Quoth Coulter: "I think it's time to drop the infernal nonsense about liberals being well-intentioned but misguided….I will say that there is only one thing wrong with liberals: They're no good." And why are they no good, you may ask? Perhaps it’s because of the incredible laundry list of things that liberals hate. In the world according to Coulter, "The liberal catechism includes a hatred of Christians, guns, the profit motive, and political speech,". In her book, Coulter expands further on this: "Liberals hate all religions except Islam," and "Liberals hate America…Islamic terrorists don’t hate America as much as liberals do," to name just two of the charges levied.

If that’s not enough, liberalism may cause smallpox, at least if you believe University of Texas Professor Marvin Olasky, the editor of World magazine. Olasky describes himself as "the Godfather of Compassionate Conservatism" and is one of the strongest proponents of George W. Bush’s "faith based initiatives" idea. According to a column by Olasky, while it’s certainly a good thing that the Centers for Disease Control and other public health organizations have helped eradicate smallpox, we’re still in danger from it, and it’s all liberals’ fault. Professor Olasky tells us that "Conservatives tend to have a tragic sense of history, liberals a faith in man's ability to move us toward utopia. Because liberalism dominates American and European culture, we stopped inoculating against smallpox, and now we are more vulnerable to it than at any time over the past two centuries." Remember folks, you heard it here. We didn’t stop inoculating against smallpox because it was no longer a threat. It was liberals what done it, and if you die from smallpox, blame them. (You think I’m exaggerating? The title Olasky gave to his column is "Cause of Death: Liberalism." )

I have to tell you, these people sound just awful. Glad I’m not one of them. Heck, some of my best friends belong to one religion or another. I’ve actually owned several guns. Anyone who’s heard me around the office around payday knows I have nothing against profits. And as for hating America…well, as several people can testify, if you question my patriotism, you’re walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me, to quote American poet Merle Haggard. Oh, and it should go without saying, but I’m against smallpox.

Frankly, I don’t even know any of these Christian-hating, speech-censoring, smallpox-loving monsters. Which begs the question: just where are these evil S.O.B.’s , anyway? For that matter, what exactly is a liberal?

Well, first I guess we need a definition of terms. Let’s go to the Random House Dictionary, which will be our preferred reference by virtue of the fact that it’s the one I can reach without getting out of my computer chair. "Liberal: Favoring progress and reform, as in politics, religion, etc. 2. Open minded or tolerant. 3. Characterized by generosity and willingness to give in large amounts."

Hmm. Doesn’t sound so bad. Let’s look in Roget’s Thesaurus: "liberal: free, generous, charitable, hospitable, bountiful, ample, handsome; unsparing, ungrudging, unselfish, open handed, large-hearted, munificent, princely." Hey, this doesn’t sound like such a bad thing at all.

Of course, it could be that the Dictionary and Thesaurus have themselves been co-opted by liberalism. After all, everybody knows that those nasty liberals rule all media. Just ask Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, John McLaughlin, William F. Buckley, George Will, Sean Hannity, Pat Buchanan, Phyllis Schlafly, Matt Drudge, Tony Snow, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North, and of course, the above-mentioned Coulter. Or just turn on your TV or radio or pick up a newspaper or book. They’ll be right there, on the dial, page or screen, all happy to tell you how their voices are being stifled by the all-powerful Lords of Liberalism.

Or maybe it’s that the world "liberal" has been used so often by so many people as shorthand way of describing "anyone I happen to disagree with who is, therefore, not just wrong but totally evil" that the word has lost all meaning, at least in their mouths. It’s easy to demonize your opponents if you describe them in such general terms that you don’t seem to be describing any one particular person or group of people, but only some shadowy Other lurking out there in the shadows. And it’s easy to blame some amorphous, ill-defined group called "liberals" for everything bad in America.

It certainly sells books. It makes for punchy and pungent letters to the editor. But reflexive repetition of the word "liberal" is not debate. I could train a parrot to do that. Heck, in the current political atmosphere, I could probably even get the parrot elected to national office. But would it be able to govern?

COPYRIGHT 2002 BY JERRY D. RHOADES, JR.