Mediation is a process by which people in conflict meet and attempt to resolve the issues between them with the help of a neutral third party.
A mediator does not make decisions for the people involved. A mediator, through questioning and discussing the issues with the parties in conflict, helps them examine their positions, decide what their true interests are, and reach a mutually agreeable decision.
In court, the parties and their lawyers present evidence to a judge or jury, who decides the outcome of the disagreement for them. Most of the time, one side is not happy with the decision. In a surprising number of cases, everyone is unhappy with the decision! Often, the very same people end up back in court over and over again, trying to enforce or interpret the Court's ruling.
In a mediation, the parties make their own decisions, rather than have the result dictated to them. No result is reached that is not agreed to by all of the people involved. No one should walk away from a mediation feeling that the decision reached was unfair, since everyone had a part in making it.
In court, people spend much of their time and their energy trying to "tear the other side down" by questioning their truthfulness and their character. While this may feel good in the short term, it often leaves everyone, even the "winners", with lasting feelings of anger, frustration, and bitterness. For that reason, mediation is particularly useful in conflicts involving people who will necessarily have to keep dealing with one another, such as divorcing spouses with children or business people engaged in ongoing enterprises.
In court, the parties' attorneys spend a large part of their time arguing, not about the facts, but about what facts can be presented and in what way they can be presented. Some questions must be asked and answered in particular ways, and some facts which you may feel are vital to an understanding of the issues may not be heard at all. In a mediation, the parties are free to discuss matters in an open and natural fashion, without being restricted by technical rules of procedure or evidence.
Mediation, in most cases, will save the parties money, especially if you compare the cost of going to court. The mediator does charge a fee, which is split equally between the parties.
Mediation sessions are held at a time and place convenient to the parties. In a court case, the everyone is at the mercy of the court's schedule. A case may be placed on a court docket several times without being reached, resulting in lost time and frustration for the parties.
Many disputes between people involve highly emotional issues. A neutral mediator who is not involved in the dispute can often step back from the dispute and help the parties look at things more objectively. In addition, many disputes involve issues that the parties may not even mention to one another. Often, in mediation, the mediator can help the parties identify and rationally discuss the real issues between them.
You may wish to consult a lawyer prior to mediation to inform yourself of your rights. You may even wish to have the lawyer attend the mediation to inform you of the legal consequences of certain decisions you may make. As a mediator, I may let both parties know in a general way what the law is on a particular issue, but I am not there to tell anyone what they should do.
Since 1996, I have been certified by North Carolina's Dispute Resolution Commission as a Superior Court Mediator. I have also been approved by the North Carolina Industrial Commission to mediate Worker's Compensation disputes. I have served as a mediator in a large number of disputes. I have completed over 100 hours of training and continuing education in Mediation, including specialized studies in Family and Divorce Mediation. I currently serve on the Board of Directors of the Dispute Settlement Center of Moore County.
I have been a practicing lawyer since 1989 concentrating in civil litigation. I have handled cases in all levels of the state's courts, from Small Claims Court to the Supreme Court of North Carolina. In those years of practice, I have come to believe that many disputes can and should be resolved through other means than our crowded, and expensive court system. I would strongly urge you to consider mediation as an alternative to going to court.