A few questions for Colin Bateman From Sarah Weinman

Sarah: As a recent (temporary) transplant to the UK, I find I'm kind of fuzzy on what constitutes pop culture. So, please explain the following and their importance to poor clueless North Americans:

a. Posh & Becks
b. Jordan
c. EastEnders vs. Coronation Street
d. Robbie Williams
e. Sven-Goran Eriksson
f. Big Brother (and Pop Idol as a freebie)
g. Queen: the Musical

Colin: Can I lump these all into one question/answer in that these are all of the things/people that make
England what it is, i.e. a combination of greatness (Beckham & Robbie) and slack jawed awfullness (all of the others) although actually I don't think they're any worse than the personalities other countries turn up and it's only because they speak a form of English that anyone in America might have stumbled across them. If you've ever watched a German variety show or a French pop group (or, indeed, army) you'll know that England doesn't have a monopoly on crapness. Ireland, now, we're all supremely talented. Even the leprechauns have college educations.

Sarah: What excuse will you concoct for not going to Bouchercon in Toronto next year? Extra points for creativity.

Colin: Ah well you see I do have the perfect excuse, and it is one of the following:

(a) I will be there, but in disguise.
(b) I will be there, but not in disguise because nobody knows what I look like.
(c) If anyone has read the paperback of Murphy's Law which features my photo, they will still not recognize me because the publishers stretched the photo to fill the space they had, which means if any one of the three people in North America who might have read Murphy's Law happens to be attending the event and happens to be looking out for me, they will be looking out for someone with a very wide head. Whereas I actually have quite a narrow head - damn! Gave the game away there.
(d) Steven Spielberg is at home waiting for me to call.
(e) Or indeed, I am at home waiting for him to call.
(f) Wife won't let me.