What’s Wrong With Dorfman?

In 2000, after receiving 75 (very flattering) rejection letters from publishers, author John Blumenthal decided to self-publish What’s Wrong With Dorfman? an hysterically funny novel about a forty-something screenwriter who’s hit a wall, emotionally and physically.

It got rave reviews and was a Booksense76 pick.  

Happy ending: What’s Wrong With Dorfman?  was picked up by St. Martin’s Press and released this month. John spoke to Jennifer Colt recently about his unusual road to publication (actually, we emailed each other, but that doesn’t sound as good).

JENNIFER:  Don’t be frightened, but I've been stalking you all over the Internet. Its been fascinating to watch the progression of What's Wrong With Dorfman? from a self-published, self-promoted book in 2000 to a universally admired comic novel in 2003. How much time did you spend promoting the book? How did you go about   it?

JOHN:  "Universally admired?" Gosh, but I have yet to hear from anyone in the Andromeda Galaxy. Actually, I spent almost everyday for 2 years promoting it. I looked at it as my only job. Most of my promotion was on the Internet, talking with other booklovers and authors, emailing libraries, sending out a gazillion copies, nudging Amazon and Barnes & Noble. To be honest, I was a PEST. Just like a real PR person.  

JENNIFER:  Well, your persistence paid off. I’ve read nothing but great reviews. (Okay, there was one guy who accused Dorfman of self-absorption or something. My reaction was, “That’s the whole point, Mr. Critic Man! That’s the box he has to get out of.”)  

JOHN:  Most reviews have been pretty good. Knock wood, the book seems to have touched a nerve somewhere. I've gotten tons of emails from people who said they read it in one sitting. And this is a book with a fairly small plot. Go figure.  

JENNIFER:  But what was the actual progression of events? You did this for two years (you didn’t write for two whole years?) I noticed you were a Booksense76 pick. Did the phone ring after that? Or did you have an agent who was able to use that honor to pitch you to publishers, what?  

JOHN:  My agent was unable to sell it -- she sent it to about 30 publishers and it was rejected by every one of them. "Not commercial enough," they said. Then I sent it to 45 small publishers myself and it was universally rejected there too. "Too commercial," they said. So I published it myself. PW gave it a great review, then January magazine called it "One of the 50 Best Books of 2000," then it made it onto the Booksense76 list. It got into more stores as a result of all this but still no publishers bought it. And my agent, believe it or not, was still unable to sell it! Then I got some serious help from a gentleman who is quite powerful in the publishing biz. I won't name him because I don't want him to be deluged by books, but he is mostly responsible for the sale to St. Martin's Press.   And no, I didn't do much writing during this period, just promoting, which can be a fulltime job. But the self-pubbed version of "Dorfman" made about $48,000 gross, $25,000 net (the wholesalers take about 55%), so I wasn't starving to death.  

JENNIFER:  You're still doing a lot to promote the book, which I admire. You're sort of a guerilla marketer. Does your publisher appreciate this effort from you, or do they consider you some kind of gadfly?  

JOHN:  I think they appreciate it, particularly since the ad and publicity budget is pretty close to zero. Possibly even less than zero, which is not a bad title. Guerilla marketer is a pretty accurate term, although Gorilla marketing might describe my ham-handed style a little better. I don't think they consider me a gadfly, but I do a nice imitation of a mosquito when asked.  

JENNIFER:  What about bookstores? Were they receptive to you as a self-published writer? Were you able to do any signings?  

JOHN:  I probably could have, but I don't think signings by unknown writers really make a lot of sense. Who's going to come and see me for an autographed copy? Nobody. So why bother. I think St. Martin's might be arranging a few, but I'm not sure. I'd rather get reviews and do radio shows.  Much more worthwhile, I think.  

JENNIFER:  I assume that the fear of all authors-going-it-alone is, "Am I Ed Wood? If I were any good, surely someone would agree to publish me. Maybe I’m Deluded.” Did you ever experience any self-doubt in this process? What specific drugs did you ingest to deal with it?  

JOHN:  I wouldn't call it "self-doubt." I'd call it panic. The best drug for this is Immodium AD, and no, they are NOT paying me to say that. Not in US Dollars anyway. Actually, the responses from the mainstream publishers (who all rejected it at first) were so great, that's what made me decide to go it alone. I got rejections like: "I laughed out loud. A terrific story" (Rejected). "Loved every page of it" (Rejected). "He's a wonderful writer. I laughed till I cried!" (Rejected). I kid you not.  

JENNIFER:  I believe you, but it seems so irrational. “Sorry, we don’t publish books we love.” What do you think the problem was?  

JOHN:  I know exactly what it was -- Dorfman is what they call a "midlist" book. It doesn't fit into any categories -- it's not a romance, not a thriller, not a mystery. So what is it? It's a quirky book.  Nowadays, in case you haven't noticed, publishers won't go out on a limb for a book like this, with a virtually unknown writer. So they generally don't.  

JENNIFER:  Anyway, this makes a great story. The Little Novel That Could. David and Goliath. Daniel in the lion's den. The Grapes of Wrath. (I should quit now...)  

JOHN:  Actually, yes it makes a pretty good story. It's a very American story – underdog defeats the Powers That Be. Just like that horse, what's his name? Seabiscuit.  Somebody should write a book about that horse.  

JENNIFER:  Was the original publisher Farmer Street Press a real company, or just a guy in Thousand Oaks named Jerry? If it was real, how did Jerry take the news when you told him you were going to St. Martin’s?  

JOHN:  There was no Jerry. Jerry was me. Every self-publisher should have a Jerry, although you can call him Bob or Moishe or Deepak, it's up to you. Jerry was the front man. He put his name on press releases etc. I wanted people to think Farmer Street Press was a real company. Unfortunately, I had to fire Jerry because we just didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I heard he's now in rehab in Kentucky.  

JENNIFER:  I knew it was you! That’s so funny. It reminds me of Donald Westlake, who has an interview on his website wherein one of his author alter egos grills the other. Westlake and Stark, hashing it out and staying completely in character. So your alter ego is an obnoxious guy named Jerry?  

JOHN:  Don't really have an alter ego. Ego, yes, alter, no, unless you're saying I should take my ego to a tailor and have it altered.  Actually, when I was working at Playboy, I actually met Westlake. I was on a business trip to NY and had lunch with him to see if would be interested in writing some stuff for the magazine. He's very charming.   I once actually did use a pen name. My friend Barry Golson (a former Playboy editor) and I wrote a spoof of romance novels called "Love's Reckless Rash," under the name "Rosemary Cartwheel."  (St. Martin's published it in the 1980's. Rosemary was not my alter ego, but I did dress up in a 19th century gown to promote it. (True story).  

JENNIFER:  Yikes! You must have given Dennis Rodman the idea. I’m all out of penetrating questions, except one: Will you solemnly swear to keep writing books as long as you are able so that I can read them and laugh myself silly?  

JOHN:  No, I've decided to write only ancient Greek tragedy from now on. Sorry. My Greek's a little rusty, but I hear it's pretty easy to learn if you hang around Athens for about 35 years.  

JENNIFER:  Somehow I think those Greek tragedians are going to be slipping on banana peels. I’ll be looking forward to it. I’m now one of your biggest fans (though not in an Annie Wilkes kind of way. A wholesome, Donna Reed kind of way).  

JOHN:  Thanks, Jennifer.  

REVIEW of What’s Wrong With Dorfman?

Jennifer Colt is the author of The Butcher of Beverly Hills: A Screwball Mystery Featuring Kerry and Terry McAfee.