Fear

So, tell me, when you saw the topic of this column, what was your reaction? What is this girl on about now? Or, gosh and golly, this sounds like fine reading for an insomniac? Maybe you felt a constriction in your chest, acid began to flow unstaunched into your stomach and sweat beaded your brow. Did the word fear instantly bring to mind what it is you fear the most? Is what you fear the most . . . clouds????? If the very mention of this puffy, white to gray raindrop ridden embodiment of impending storms fills you with terror, you have Nephophobia. And, oh geez, if that cloud were to burst would you be quaking in your galoshes? Ombrophobia is your fear factor. Gosh, I'm kind of worried about the effect this column might have on some of you. Maybe, you'd better sit down. What? You're afraid of sitting down? Why, that's Thaasophobia! You must get very tired, standing around all the time. What's this? You're always tired? How can that be? Could it be you're too terrified to sleep? You poor dear. You've got Somniphobia.

There is a whole universe of things to be afraid of and people, apparently are just that. If someone were to have Logizomechanophobia, they most likely won't be reading this because computers scare the pants off of them. If you see someone on the street who looks as though they've got a perpetual cloud (oops, sorry nephophbiacs!) over their heads, don't try to cheer them up. They may suffer from Euphobia. The fear of good news. The latest news from all over the world has got to be keeping them happy. Or, um, content. Or would it be just . . . um, fear free? Anyway, two fears that would be terribly difficult to deal with must be Geniophobia and Genuphobia. The fear of chins and of knees, respectively. This one is amazingly ironic: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or the fear of long words. Who was in charge of naming that one? The Marquis de Sade? Imagine have Kinetophobia or Kinesophobia. You'd be afraid to move. That could pose a few problems. Lutraphobia, or a fear of otters might not be too bad. How often are you going to stumble across one of those? And a fear I definitely don't suffer from is Verbophobia - the fear of words. Look how many there are right now? Not exactly a dictionary but not a George Pelaconos e-mail. Now, this one is really weird. Walloonphobia. Quite simply, fear of the Walloons. If you're like me, and right now frighteningly enough, you might be, you'll need a little research done. Walloons are a group of people living in South Belgium who traditionally spoke a dialect of French called Walloon, but who today for the most part speak standard French. There you are. A little travel restriction and this phobia is quite conquerable. But if you have Panophobia, a fear of everything, you're screwed. And what, you may be asking yourself, is the fear of fear? A punk band based out of London in the late 1990's. You asked . . .

Jennifer Jordan