As some of you may know, I was unable to attend Bouchercon at the very last minute. I was very disappointed... but in this weird way, I actually ended up having a good Bouchercon after all, thanks to a lot of you guys.

First of all, Beth, Karin and Sal called me on Thursday with the goods on everyone they had seen thus far, making me feel as if I were there. I got the update on everyone's weight gain: meaning the people I disliked had gotten even fatter, while the people I liked had pleasingly plumped out. But everyone, it seems, had pretty much succumbed to the hands of time, which means that next year I sure as hell am not worrying about MY weight when I hit Austin.... then I got regular phone updates throughout the next couple of days from my friends Mizz Beth, Tim Cockey, Lise McClendon and Carol Rolnik (an author from Baltimore). Beth even called me live from the Tart Panel, but I missed out on the call, as I was having coffee with a cute guitar player, like a true Tart would, and so missed the chance to give my fellow Tarts grief.

Later that night, however, came the best call of the weekend: on Friday night, just as I was getting ready to go out dancing with a bunch of twenty-somethings in an attempt to drown my sorrows at not being in D.C., a call came in from the RAM party! Well, as you can imagine this was a thrill: I've always wanted to be passed around at a party... it was really fun to match voices with screen names, to touch base with the RAMmers I met last year, and to formally meet some people I have not yet had the pleasure of seeing face-to-face.

I was so impressed that many people had come from over the Pond and even from Down Under. I was crushed that I missed meeting Mitchy, who has long been a Casey fan to my everlasting gratitude, but I did get the chance to talk to her on the phone and promised her my secondborn child as well as a place to stay in N.C. if she consented to return next year for the festivities. I tried to ask the RAM women who among the RAM men were cute, but everyone was so drunk it seemed that they were ALL starting to look better and better, and so I got no reasonable intelligence out of that fishing expedition. My only confusion resulted from the J.B.s: I have long contended that Jim Barker and John Baker are one and the same. This suspicion was strengthened during the phone call episode in which I cleverly discerned that Jim and John sounded EXACTLY alike. So my question to RAMmers is this: did anyone ever actually see these two in the same room at the same time?!

By the end of the call, I had talked to something like 30 people and my friends who were waiting for me thought I was Patricia-Fucking-Cornwell or something.

I told them I was aspiring to be better than that, for god sakes. But I really felt as if I hd been there, however briefly, and it was very much appreciated. On Saturday night, poor Tim and Lise suffered through the interminable awards banquet on my behalf, all for naught (except thay did have a good excuse to get roaring drunk!). My just-in-case victory speech, which, alas, was not needed (and which was edited down to a rousing Fuck you all! by Tim and Lise by the time my category rolled around) was nonetheless made even more appropriate by my losing the Anthony Award to the lovely Kate Grilley (which, trust me, didn't hurt a bit -- it's good to be an adult!). In it, I had thanked my friends for getting me through the good times and bad times and had listed several RAMers as well as RAM in general as being very much appreciated by me over the last few years. I meant it when I wrote it, I mean it now, and this past weekend -- which had people taking the time to call and include me -- only drove home how lucky I am to have people in my life who care about me and my writing. So thanks, guys, for being there, and for gettin' on with your bad selves... and I promise to see you next year in Austin, come Hell, high water... or even anthrax.

-Katy

P.S.: I really missed sitting next to Beth in the bar most of all, that woman can utter scathing comments that make Casey Jones seem like Doris Day. Fortunately, Beth unleashed a whole round of comments for me in a series of emails fresh from B'con. They'll go to the highest bidder, with bidding starting at a cool mill. Cash only.....